Eye for an Eye?

My husband and I had a funny conversation yesterday, which has had me thinking about our marriage - specifically what we give...give up, give in, give to, give for...do I give enough?  Here is the gist of the conversation, which had to do with him selling his motorcycle to pay for some upcoming renovations on our house:

 

Him:  I guess I'm going to have to sell my bike.

Me:  It looks like it.  Sorry, babe.  I wish I had something I could sell, too.  Except my car, because I would never sell that (referring to my one-of-a-kind 1966 VW Beetle, fully restored, sit in the garage because I only drive it in the summer car).

Him:  Right.  Why are you always like that?  

Me:  Like what?

Him:  An eye for an eye.  You sell this and I'll sell that.

Me:  I'm never an eye for an eye, babe.  It's always your eye, never my eye.  Don't you know that by now?  

 

Although the conversation was all in good fun, and we were laughing through it, I still wondered if there wasn't some truth in what he said.  Am I an eye for an eye?  Dr. Goddard, in his chapter on consecration, asked a few really good questions that have caused me to think that there is more that I can give.  He inquires, "Do we bring our greatest generosity and richest forgiving to our marriages?  Do we offer our whole souls and our best efforts as an offering?  Or do our partnerships get half-hearted, occasional efforts?"  I know that this is something that I have struggled with in the past.  There are many times that I have only been willing to give an equal measure of what I feel I am receiving.  

 

Because I am a natural "score-keeper," I tend to tally up the things that we both contribute to our marriage.  Dr. Goddard refers to this as the problem with seeking equity in a marriage.  We overvalue our own contributions to the relationship, and undervalue the contributions of our partner.  This is a clear example of an eye-for-an-eye mentality.  I know that I have improved a lot over the years, and I sincerely try to focus on giving in my marriage.  But, the natural-man is a strong influence on me, and I can revert quickly to my selfish thoughts of score-keeping.  

 

It took a miracle for our marriage to recover from near divorce, and much of the change that had to happen on my part related to me learning to give more of myself - my trust, my forgiveness, my affection - to my husband, and learn the difference between what my husband was offering to me and what I was receiving from him.  Now, our marriage is more consecrated...it's a wonderful blessing that comes from consecrating our own will to our marriage and to each other.  Not all of our problems are solvable, but they are more bearable when we are focused on each other and making each other happy.

 

I won't be selling my car, and my husband will sell his motorcycle to pay for the repairs.  But that isn't a check mark in my "win" column.  My goal is not to have an eye-for-an-eye marriage, but an eye-single-to-marriage.  That comes from consecrating my whole self to my husband, and receiving lovingly those things that he consecrates to me.  They are not always obvious, but I can see them if I look and pay attention.  And those gifts that he gives, even the motorcycle, make our marriage a beautiful place to be.